Look! The Sits of Insanity! He'll never catch us there!

You may have heard of the Cliffs of Insanity.
Well, today I encountered- and here I coin a new phrase- the "Sits of Insanity."
Any lifeguards out there will know what I mean by a "sit". In Lifeguardese, this means "situation"- a simulation of guarding a swim in which something goes wrong. There is usually a team of 2-3 guards on the deck, and the rest are in and around the water, acting as patrons, with assigned problems from the instructor. For example, one person, charged with going first, might be acting out a spinal injury. When they are taken care of, someone else will "go"- maybe a heart attack, or a non-swimmer "climbing the ladder" in the deep end.
At any rate, that's how it's usually done.
My examiner (for my recertification) today is fond of stressing her trainees out to the max, because in a real situation we will be that stressed. Or maybe she's just sadistic. Sooooooooooooo...with ten candidates, she makes up 2 teams of 3 guards and 1 team of four. The first set of sits is basically as described above.
Then, with appropriate warning from her and one of her previous students, we break up into similar teams for the second set. The first team had to deal with a double clutch (two non-swimmers basically trying to climb on top of each other to get air), a power outage, a patron very afraid of the dark, another with a broken tooth and bleeding lip, and, oh...what was it- a "10 year old" with a cut on her toe? But it starts with the double clutch, and then the lights go out, and then all crap breaks loose as we all "go" within about a minute of the other. The three guards are suddenly triaging 7 troubled people. Hehehe. I was the one with the "broken tooth"...apparently have really good acting skillz as the guard rescuing me thought I might really be hurt. Oops.
So, less hehehe-ing this time...it was my group's turn. We had a head injury, a penetrating chest wound, a non-swimmer who kept going in and drowning again, inappropriate behaviour (we'll leave that at that), and- oh, yeah- an "11-year-old" experiencing abdominal cramps for the first time that yours truly definitely failed to recognize properly. *blush*
The third sit, as four guards were on, was pretty much A Lifeguard's Worst Nightmare-Come-Almost-True. EEEEheeeheehee. (That was an evil laugh, btw.) One girl was pretty much constantly hitting on the male guard (the only male in the group- poor guy, he really got picked on), there was a "pregnant" choking victim, a pair of people went to the gallery and got in a fight involving a glass bottle (and then of course lots of bleeding, head injuries, etc.) and one more thing that I forget but the girl wound up lying on the deck being treated for shock...
And what was yours truly up to? Well. I will tell you. I got assigned one of the ones everyone wants- tonic-clonic seizure, in the deep end, lots of convulsing. I asked the examiner at first if she wanted convulsions- some seizures (at least the ones that happened at the pool where I used to work, and no, I was never on at the time) involve the person just freezing in place, unable to move. Yes, said the examiner. I want you to convulse not only in the water but on the side and on the deck. Fun fun fun! *breaks for other evil laugh* >8-)
I swear, if directors of plays involving injured people coulda seen me out there today, I'd have been cast in a heartbeat. If they didn't think I was on my way to the hospital.
PS- yeah, we all passed. 8-D